It’s 8:10pm and I’m sitting here in the laundry mat! I had a joyous Christmas Eve and I hope all of you as well! I’m about to get everything ready before I go back to work tomorrow! Need to wash the clothes fold them all and place them away where they belong! Each item has a home remember that! Now let me tell you, I’ve been working on re-training my brain 🧠 with habits! I’m learning to take this one day at a time! CBD/THC has been a great companion on helping me get out of the negative mental state I was and as I progress I still use it but my body is getting acoustom to the physical work I’m doing around the house since it’s made me feel happier and wanting to get out of bed wash dishes etc. I don’t feel tired anymore I’ve conquered the idea that getting up from bed is not so hard! And as CBD takes my pain away I start moving and my body gets use to the movement until the day comes where I will be so used to being active that I won’t need CBD anymore just like exercise it’s all about training your body to tolerance the amount of physical activity you can do one day at a time! I’m truly grateful! I want to share my experience because I was in a dark place! Taking Prozac which btw only worsened my depression and so I was told to try CBD/THC and I’m not turning back! I pray for anyone reading this to be healed emotionally and physically! You will be healed after reading this I promise! Sending much love!
Tonight I lay in bed thinking of my life and would love to share memories that come to mind as I replay my life back to when I first had train of thought around the age of 4. I remember the days in my little old town back in “El Salvador” I was learning to walk, talk , listen. My parents left me at the age of 1yr old with my grandma. She was a mentally strong person to take on the responsibility of taking care of her granddaughter “me”. Now let me tell you my childhood days were spent pretty well in El Salvador. I remember rolling in the mud with a beautiful chubby pig! Cruel were the days when I walked by the streets grabbing my grandma’s hand and then suddenly I would hear a squeal, the poor pig ran over by a car and throwned off the streets by its tires like a flying rag doll! Disgusting! In my mind no human had the right to kill an animal. I dreaded when I ate “caldo” just to later find out it was my chicken friend. My first pet was a doggy. I loved it! It followed me everywhere. I was overjoyed as a 4yr old would be. Until that day when I found out my step uncle took it across the big road and made sure a car ran over it, which did. My step uncle (adopted by my grandma) brought back the body with its spilled out guts. I was in shock and terror for a week. My love for animals still stood strong even after many horrific scenes in the streets.
My go to memory for tonight. Reminiscing these childhood memories make me giggle just a bit now a days they’re my go to many more to come<3 P.S now I eat hamburgers but still…..
I’m reaching in my soul to explore the beauty of this earth my flesh human self has no feelings but in my writing exists that passionate soul with so much potential and creative thoughts to keep people entertained as they fall in love with every word and the sway of the story taking them along until the end.
Check out my younger self and how I saw my world:
Oh El Salvador I write to you to say your land was a beautiful world through the eyes of a 5 yr old who went on her own as she traveled her town! I felt the soft dirt spread through my toes. I heard the beauty of the birds chirping as they brightened up the sunny day! I heard the crickets and the frogs low ribbit sound throughout the dawn of the day as I played with my beautiful white and pink flowers in my front yard! Then I would lay down and stare at the wonders of the universe the shining bright stars glaring back at me as dawn left and the night sky flew in! It lighten up my heart! I wanted to reach them! And so the dream to be an astronaut arose!
Brothers and Sisters I share a piece of my heart with you through my every day writing and thoughts!
For you- To get a glimpse of my soul!
May you see yourself in me as you see yourself in a mirror!
I too have shed tears!
I too have spend sleepless nights!
I too have had happy memories we all wish would be kept frozen in time!
May you see that I understand your journey!
That you’re not alone!
Talk to me when you’re in need
When you can’t handle anymore
Embrace the presence of our eternal souls meeting their divine spiritual energies forming one whole
We’re all one! Never feel alone again!
I’ve been learning about myself a lot lately. Let me tell you I was at a place of “Lost Identity” it was a lot of questions as to why I’m here! Weed would have never been a path I would have resorted to as a healing path but I’m now on the other side of the spectrum and analyzing my reaction to CBD and weed itself! A very unique experience as I am new! I have come to use weed for my advantage! It not only produces profound thinking, extreme focus and positive feelings towards healing others with your loving energy, but it’s a natural remedy for other known disorders such as anxiety, headaches, depression, anti inflammatory ….. I’m very intrigued by the anomaly of my behavior and how I perceive certain things, people, feelings, situations and create a bundle of ideas in my head! For me it’s astonishing I almost feel I can change the entire world into a beautiful place to actually call home with endless harmony and love ❤️ a lady can only dream! 😍
As she opens her eyes she sees her “mama”. Her eyes lighten with joy warmth and love.
As she opens her eyes she knows she’s safe and secure in her arms. She’s her hope she’s her dreams she’s her “mama”.
As she opens her eyes she sees a car. She knows she needs to say good bye to “mama”.
Tears drop down her cheeks, her heartbreaks at 5 years old. “Mama” is such a small spec as the car drives off and her small hand touching the glass window saying “mama”.
Heart shattered in million pieces. She sees two strange faces.
Strange faces are cold and young. No clue of true love.
Her heartbreaks each rising sun Her heartbreaks each dawn at night.
The joy, warmth and love are nonexistent.
Days pass…months pass…years pass……. and no “mama”
Stuck in a world of non existent love her soul is weak.
As she closes her eyes she knows she will soon see “mama”. For ever eternal joy warmth and love she finally hugs “mama” once more!
I have come to wonder that god knew exactly what I would go through and that’s why he blessed me in the most rewarding way possible! I don’t have one not two not even three but four beautiful angels that he let me borrow! My babies are the most loving and smart babies ever! I’m a 27yr old woman with 4 beautiful angels from above they bring me joy and happiness and I am proud to see the young children they are growing to be! I can see how they bring smiles to those around us and why children are the future of this world! I want their outcome to be filled with happiness and fulfillment while on this earth and that’s why I have taken steps to become a better person! I tell my eldest son that he can do anything he sets his mind to be! If you tell yourself you can you will and if you tell yourself you can’t you won’t! So I see my son and how he tells himself I can do it and he does, it amazes me! He’s really social and the most funniest kid ever! I asked him one time “ honey what makes it so easy for you to be outgoing and talking with everybody” he gave the most wisest response “ mom, I love me, myself and I” I know god has blessed me tremendously! Love the children of this earth they are our future! They will change it for the better!